23/02/2013

Fed-up with Fat Cats?

Is your cat obese?
Are you fed-up to the back teeth with having to widen the cat-flap every month or so?

Me too.

So, here's a handy tip sent in by Mavis Postlethwaite, of Cheam.

She writes: "Instead of smearing butter on your cat's paws every time you move home, why not try one of the popular and very modern low fat spreads?"

A MASSIVE thank you to Mavis, I think we've all learned a thing or two today.

14/02/2013

Fed up with losing one key at a time?

Get a keyring - then you have the luxury of knowing ALL your keys are gone - all at once!

08/02/2013

Martin Clunes, the Dog, the Insurance Advert

You'd have thought the Authorities, and indeed Churchill themselves might have been a tad more lenient in the case of Martin Clunes?

I mean, like, amassing enough points on your licence for speeding to get banned is one thing . . . . . . but surely medical emergencies are above this sort of thing?

06/02/2013

Government announce dog chipping as replacement for speed cameras

In a cost-cutting move today the Government has commenced the first of its new 'two for the price of one' policies.

Noting the overwhelming number of canine passengers in cars caught on speed cameras, it was felt more cost-effective to chip all UK-resident dogs with an accelerometer and GPS then have roadside sensors beam the owners address and vehicle velocity to a new £5 million pound central database in the event of some road-traffic breach. 
 
After successful trials with computed axial tomography (CAT scan) systems, housed in  supermarket aisles to gauge public reactions to a 'beeping bloody machine' , Jeremy Clarke ( MP for Chipping Norton, South Gloucs) concluded "Well Tescos do it . . . tell us something is 'price crashed' and we consequently adore them for charging us £1 for a 20p tin of pet food, why not the spirit of entrepreneurialism in our policies?"  Adding  "You never know someone might decide our NI number cards could be like . . . ow - I dunno, a sort of ID card?  Ya know?  Later with driving-licence and CRB detail all scanned in?   Blimmey! THREE for the price one!  Just like Asda?"